Couples Therapy for Anxious & Avoidant Attachment Styles
One of you wants to talk, reconnect, get reassurance, or fix things right now.
The other feels overwhelmed, pressured, or like nothing they say will be enough, so they shut down, get quiet, leave the conversation, or need space.
The more one of you tries to connect, the more the other pulls away. The more one of you pulls away, the harder the other tries to reconnect.
Neither of you wants to keep doing this, but you don't know how to stop the cycle.
Couples Therapy in Denver, Colorado
You may recognize your relationship in some of these patterns:
Here Are Some Reasons You Could Benefit From Couples Therapy
- One of you wants to talk things through immediately, while the other needs space before they can engage.
- You keep having the same arguments, even when the topic changes.
- One of you feels ignored, rejected, or unimportant, while the other feels criticized, pressured, or like they can never get it right.
- Conflict turns into overexplaining, defensiveness, shutting down, or walking away.
- You love each other, but lately it feels like you're fighting against each other instead of working together.
Couples therapy can help you:
- Talk about difficult things without every conversation becoming a fight or shutdown.
- Ask for closeness, reassurance, or space without pushing each other further apart.
- Better understand what your partner is actually trying to communicate.
- Repair after conflict instead of staying disconnected for hours or days.
- Feel like you're on the same team again, even when you disagree.
Benefits of Couples Therapy
- I'm not here to decide which one of you is right, take sides, or make one partner become more like the other.
- Instead, we'll look at the pattern happening between you. We'll slow down what happens when one person reaches for connection and the other pulls away, understand what each of you is feeling and needing underneath those reactions, and practice communicating those needs differently.
- We'll work on helping one partner feel more secure without having to chase connection, while helping the other stay engaged without feeling trapped, pressured, or overwhelmed.
- The goal isn't to never disagree. It's to help you understand each other, communicate more directly, repair after conflict, and create a relationship where both closeness and space can exist.
My Approach to Couples Therapy
Your First Few Couples Therapy Sessions
1. We Build Safety First
In our first session, we'll meet together and talk about what brings you to couples therapy, what feels difficult right now, and what you both hope will change
Before we jump into changing anything, I want to get to know you.
That means building trust, creating a space where you don't feel judged, and helping you feel comfortable enough to be honest about what's really going on.
I know therapy can feel vulnerable, so I don't expect you to tell me everything on day one.
We'll move at a pace that feels safe.
2. We Get Curious
After that, I typically meet with each partner individually. This gives me a chance to better understand each of your experiences,
We'll explore things like:
- your relationships
- your family
- your childhood
- your emotional experiences
- the ways you've learned to cope
- what your nervous system has experienced
- what has shaped who you are today
I'm less interested in asking "What's wrong with you? "I'm much more interested in asking,"What happened to you?" and "how did the relationships in your life influence the way you connect with others today?"
3. We Begin Connecting the Dots
As I get to know you, I'll start noticing patterns.
I'll often share observations like,
- "I'm wondering if these two experiences might be connected."or "This actually makes a lot of sense given what you've been through."
- This is where I bring in psycho-education, attachment theory, EMDR, IFS, Individual therapy, neuroscience, and relational research.
- Not to overwhelm you with information… But to help you understand yourself, gain self-awareness with more compassion for yourself and your relationships.
4. We Build Awareness
Instead we can slow things down and ask:
- What am I feeling?
- What am I needing?
- Where did I learn this?
- Is this response still serving me today?
5. We Practice Something Different & Keep Practicing (it takes time)
Together we'll begin experimenting with new ways of:
- communicating
- setting boundaries
- regulating emotions
- asking for needs
- responding during conflict
- relating to yourself
- relating to the people you love
"I wholeheartedly recommend Rachel Sailer for couples, families, or individuals seeking therapy. She brings a rare combination of clinical skill, warmth, and authenticity to her practice. Her ability to create a safe, nonjudgmental space allows clients to explore difficult emotions while feeling genuinely supported and understood. You are in excellent hands with Rachel."
With Love From: Chloé
"HER ABILITY TO CREATE A SAFE, NONJUDGMENTAL SPACE ALLOWS CLIENTS TO EXPLORE DIFFICULT EMOTIONS WHILE FEELING GENUINELY SUPPORTED AND UNDERSTOOD."
"Rachel brings authenticity, dedication, and a genuine desire to help her clients into her clinical work. Her attachment and systemic-based approach helps clients heal and grow in a safe and well-informed space." -
With Love From: Sophie
"HER ATTACHMENT AND SYSTEMIC-BASED APPROACH HELPS CLIENTS HEAL AND GROW IN A SAFE AND WELL-INFORMED SPACE."
"Rachel is among the most dedicated and passionate clinicians I've had the pleasure of working with. She is constantly adding new knowledge and skills to her attachment-based approach, making her an adept therapist for couples, parents, and individuals."
With Love From: Jeremy
"SHE IS CONSTANTLY ADDING NEW KNOWLEDGE AND SKILLS TO HER ATTACHMENT-BASED APPROACH, MAKING HER AN ADEPT THERAPIST FOR COUPLES, PARENTS, AND INDIVIDUALS."
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Frequently Asked Questions ABout Couples Therapy
How do we know if we need couples therapy, and how do we know if we could be a good fit?
You don’t have to be on the verge of breaking up to benefit from couples therapy. It may be time to reach out when you still care about your relationship, but what you’ve been trying on your own isn’t creating the change you want.
Couples therapy can give you a space to understand each other differently, work through things that feel hard to navigate alone, and strengthen your relationship before problems become even bigger.
I offer a free 20-minute consultation where we can talk about what’s bringing you to couples therapy, what you’re looking for, and whether we could be a good fit.
Not sure what to look for in a therapist? Check out my guide for finding the right therapist in Denver.
How many couples therapy sessions will we need?
As a starting point, I recommend planning for around 10–20 sessions, depending on what you’re working through and the changes you want to make. Every couple is different, so there isn’t a set number of sessions that works for everyone.
I also encourage couples to give a new therapist around 1–5 sessions to see how the fit feels. Finding the right couples therapist can take time, and I want you to find the therapist who feels right for both of you even if that isn't me. Sometimes therapy isn’t working because one or both of you don’t feel safe, heard, or understood, or one partner connects with the therapist while the other doesn’t.
The right fit matters. Both of you should feel like there is space for your perspective and that your therapist understands your relationship not just one side of it.
What if we keep arguing about the same things over and over?
Yes, if it feels like you keep having the same fight, even when the topic changes, there may be a larger pattern happening underneath the argument.
Maybe one of you pushes to talk, explain, or fix things while the other gets overwhelmed, defensive, or shuts down. Before you know it, you're right back in the same place.
Couples therapy can help you understand what keeps happening between you, slow the pattern down, and find new ways to communicate so you can actually work through the issue instead of repeating the same fight.
Do you offer in-person and virtual couples therapy?
Yes! I offer both in-person and virtual couples therapy to give you options for what works best with your schedules.
I offer in-person sessions on Tuesdays and Thursdays and virtual sessions on Mondays and Wednesdays 10:00 AM–6:00 PM
We can talk during your free consultation about which option works best for both of you.
What are your fees, and do you accept insurance?
I am a private-pay practice and do not accept insurance.
(50 minutes Session: $160
(90 minutes) Session $240
If you have out-of-network benefits, I'm happy to provide a monthly superbill that you can submit to your insurance company for possible reimbursement. I also offer a free 15-minute consultation so we can discuss your goals, answer your questions, and see if we're a good fit before scheduling your first session.
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You don't have to keep having the same argument over and over again.
Couples therapy can help you understand what's keeping you stuck and begin creating a different way of
communicating, handling conflict, and connecting with each other.
Reach out today to schedule a free consultation and see if working together feels like the right fit.