You might really like someone until the relationship becomes more serious. After a vulnerable conversation, you suddenly need distance. You get the “ick, ”start noticing everything wrong with them, or wonder if you'd be happier alone.
You may find yourself thinking:
- Do I actually not want this relationship, or do I just feel overwhelmed?
- Why do I feel trapped when someone needs more from me?
- Why is it so hard for me to tell people what I'm feeling?
- Why would I rather handle everything myself than ask for help?
- Why do I want deeper relationships but still keep people at a distance?
Avoidant Attachment Style Therapy in Denver Colorado
Avoidance doesn't always look like not wanting relationships. You may care deeply about people while still struggling to let them fully know or depend on you
Here Are Some Reasons You Could Benefit From Avoidant Attachment Therapy
- You shut down, go quiet, leave, ghost, or become distant when emotions or conflict feel like too much.
- You struggle to ask for space or set boundaries early, so you wait until you're overwhelmed and want to get away completely.
- You're used to handling problems alone and feel uncomfortable asking for help, depending on someone, or letting people see you struggle.
- You feel exposed after being vulnerable and sometimes regret sharing, worry you'll be rejected, or pull away before someone can hurt you.
- You can feel lonely or unknown even in relationships and friendships because letting people into your inner world feels uncomfortable.
You may begin to:
- Say, “I need some time, but we're okay, Know the difference between” instead of shutting down or disappearing.
- “I genuinely don't want this" and “I want to escape because this feels vulnerable."
- Express what you need before resentment, irritation, or pressure builds.
- Let relationships become deeper without immediately searching for a reason they won't work.
- Reach for people when you're struggling instead of always having to figure everything out alone.
Benefits ofTherapy for Avoidant Attachment
- Maybe you've spent most of your life taking care of yourself. Maybe depending on people hasn't always felt safe.
- Maybe you need more time than others to understand what you're feeling. Or maybe letting
- someone truly matter to you feels much more vulnerable than you expected.
- We'll work at a pace that doesn't make therapy feel like another place where someone is demanding morefrom you.
My Approach to Avoidant Attachment Therapy
What The first few Sessions Look like
1. We Build Safety First
In our first session, we'll meet together and talk about what brings you to couples therapy, what feels difficult right now, and what you both hope will change
Before we jump into changing anything, I want to get to know you.
That means building trust, creating a space where you don't feel judged, and helping you feel comfortable enough to be honest about what's really going on.
I know therapy can feel vulnerable, so I don't expect you to tell me everything on day one.
We'll move at a pace that feels safe.
2. We Get Curious
After that, I typically meet with each partner individually. This gives me a chance to better understand each of your experiences,
We'll explore things like:
- your relationships
- your family
- your childhood
- your emotional experiences
- the ways you've learned to cope
- what your nervous system has experienced
- what has shaped who you are today
3. We Begin Connecting the Dots
As I get to know you, I'll start noticing patterns.
I'll often share observations like,
- "I'm wondering if these two experiences might be connected."or "This actually makes a lot of sense given what you've been through."
- This is where I bring in psychoeducation, attachment theory, EMDR, IFS, neuroscience, and relational research.
- Not to overwhelm you with information… But to help you understand yourself, gain self-awareness with more compassion for yourself and your relationships.
4. We Build Awareness
Instead we can slow things down and ask:
- What am I feeling?
- What am I needing?
- Where did I learn this?
- Is this response still serving me today?
5. We Practice Something Different & Keep Practicing (it takes time)
Together we'll begin experimenting with new ways of:
- communicating
- setting boundaries
- regulating emotions
- asking for needs
- responding during conflict
- relating to yourself
- relating to the people you love
"I wholeheartedly recommend Rachel Sailer for couples, families, or individuals seeking therapy. She brings a rare combination of clinical skill, warmth, and authenticity to her practice. Her ability to create a safe, nonjudgmental space allows clients to explore difficult emotions while feeling genuinely supported and understood. You are in excellent hands with Rachel."
With Love From: Chloé
"HER ABILITY TO CREATE A SAFE, NONJUDGMENTAL SPACE ALLOWS CLIENTS TO EXPLORE DIFFICULT EMOTIONS WHILE FEELING GENUINELY SUPPORTED AND UNDERSTOOD."
"Rachel brings authenticity, dedication, and a genuine desire to help her clients into her clinical work. Her attachment and systemic-based approach helps clients heal and grow in a safe and well-informed space." -
With Love From: Sophie
"HER ATTACHMENT AND SYSTEMIC-BASED APPROACH HELPS CLIENTS HEAL AND GROW IN A SAFE AND WELL-INFORMED SPACE."
"Rachel is among the most dedicated and passionate clinicians I've had the pleasure of working with. She is constantly adding new knowledge and skills to her attachment-based approach, making her an adept therapist for couples, parents, and individuals."
With Love From: Jeremy
"SHE IS CONSTANTLY ADDING NEW KNOWLEDGE AND SKILLS TO HER ATTACHMENT-BASED APPROACH, MAKING HER AN ADEPT THERAPIST FOR COUPLES, PARENTS, AND INDIVIDUALS."
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Frequently Asked Questions ABout Avoidance
(Avoidant Attachment) Therapy
What is Avoidant attachment?
Avoidant attachment is a relationship pattern where closeness, vulnerability, or depending on someone can sometimes feel uncomfortable or overwhelming. You may really care about your relationships while also feeling a strong need for independence, space, or time to process things on your own.
It can look like pulling away when someone wants more closeness, shutting down during emotional conversations, struggling to ask for help, or feeling uncomfortable when someone needs a lot from you. Avoidant attachment doesn’t mean you don’t care about people—it can be a way you’ve learned to protect yourself when relationships feel overwhelming.
Can avoidant attachment make me question whether my relationship is right?
Yes. Sometimes doubts about a relationship become louder when things start to feel more serious, emotionally close, or committed.
You might start focusing on your partner’s flaws, wondering if you’ve lost feelings, feeling suddenly irritated or trapped, comparing your relationship to other possibilities, or thinking you would feel better if you were single.
In therapy, we don’t assume every relationship doubt is caused by attachment. Instead, we can slow things down and explore what may be a protective response to closeness and what may be important information about the relationship itself. The goal is to help you understand your patterns so you can make decisions from a more grounded place rather than feeling like you need to immediately stay or leave.
Yes! I work with both individuals and couples who are struggling with avoidant attachment patterns.
In individual therapy, we can explore what makes emotional closeness, vulnerability, conflict, or depending on others feel difficult. We can also work on understanding where these patterns come from and building more comfort with connection without feeling like you have to give up your independence.
In couples therapy, I often work with couples who feel stuck in a pursuer-withdrawer cycle—where one partner wants more closeness, reassurance, or communication while the other tends to pull away, shut down, or need more space. Therapy can help you understand the pattern between you and create a relationship where both partners feel more secure, understood, and connected.
Can therapy help with avoidant attachment?
Yes. Therapy can help you better understand what happens when closeness, conflict, or vulnerability starts to feel overwhelming.
We can work on recognizing when you’re starting to shut down or pull away, understanding what you’re feeling underneath that reaction, communicating when you need space without completely disconnecting, and becoming more comfortable expressing what you need.
The goal isn’t to take away your independence or make you more emotional. It’s to help you have both independence and connection without feeling like you have to choose between the two.
Do you offer in-person and virtual therapy?
Yes! I offer both in-person and virtual therapy to give you options for what works best with your schedules.
I offer in-person sessions on Tuesdays and Thursdays and virtual sessions on Mondays and Wednesdays 10:00 AM–6:00 PM
We can talk during your free consultation about which option works best for both of you.
What are your fees, and do you accept insurance?
I am a private-pay practice and do not accept insurance.
(50 minutes Session: $160
(90 minutes) Session $240
If you have out-of-network benefits, I'm happy to provide a monthly superbill that you can submit to your insurance company for possible reimbursement. I also offer a free 15-minute consultation so we can discuss your goals, answer your questions, and see if we're a good fit before scheduling your first session.
Dating & Relationship Therapy for Young Adults
Trauma & EMDR Therapy
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OTHER SERVICE I OFFER
Couples Therapy
PREMARITAL COUNSELING
Therapy for Avoidant (Avoidant Attachment)
Therapy for Anxiety (Anxious Attachment)
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If you're tired of questioning your relationships, pulling away when people get close, handling everything alone, or wondering why connection feels harder than you want it to, you don't have to keep figuring it out by yourself.
Therapy can help you build relationships where there is room for closeness, independence, honesty, and space